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So you wanted to play?
‘You want to play, don’t you?’ he says, hovering his finger near my lips, waiting for them to open. They always do. I am open to him any time he wants. Available 24/7, even though we’re far from having a 24/7 D/s relationship. Or are we?
‘I do,’ I say as if it were even necessary.
‘Oh, you do, huh? But you know it’s going to hurt, right? And not in the way you like.’
My eyes grow bigger with fear as he smiles, his eyes tingling with delight. ‘You think I am going to hurt you physically and then fuck you? We don’t have time for that. We have to make it to the movies. Plus, you want it and there is no fun in that,’ he says, ‘I am going to play with you mentally. And it’s going to hurt. Do you still want to play?’
Some thoughts on polyamory, D/s, and being cucked
Polyamory and kink have been inseparable for me since I joined the kink scene eight years ago. Until now, I have never questioned if I wanted to do kink with multiple partners because the people I’ve been interested in doing it with already had other partners when I met them. For a few months now, the situation has been different, though. I am currently in a monogam-ish relationship, and it seems I like the comfort of it. But it also makes me feel ashamed.
On being tied in ‘Naka style’ by Naka-san
Have you ever been in the middle of something when you realised that it’s your dream coming true, only you didn’t even know you had such a dream? It happened to me. And it made me cry in ropes for the first time. (…)
The moment he invited me on stage to kneel in front of him, I finally understood what was happening. I also realised that no matter how many pictures and videos of his rope I’ve seen and no matter that I did a workshop with him and Iroha-san and had seen them perform, he was a stranger to me.
Musings on kinbaku appreciation, art, crafts, and beauty in ropes
Apart from being a rope model I am also a kinbaku appreciator. Or rather, I am on a path of becoming one as I don’t think I have obtained this skill yet. Just as with any skill, understanding and enjoying kinbaku requires effort and dedication. And the more work you put into it, the more subtle pleasures you will be able to derive from it.
An even game
He was a man made of shadow, of mist. It was so hard to pin him down, find out at least one fact about him, that he seemed almost like a ghost to her. Each question he answered raised ten additional ones but with no chance for a follow-up. And the harder he was to grasp, the more desperate she was to uncover his truth.
I’m yours before you even begin to want it
It was enough to see that calculating look on your face for me to open up to you like a vault opens up to its rightful owner. The moment you looked at me the way a hunter looks at his prey - already dividing its dead carcass in his mind’s eye - I was yours. You could have thought that it took us two dates for you to have me (not particularly long). But it’s not true. It was a 30 seconds gaze. That’s all.
Rope gives meaning to my pain
I sometimes wonder, or get asked, why do I like to get tied. It is a difficult question to answer because I like it with different people for different reasons. I like to be under the power of dominant men and suffering in their ropes is a way to express my devotion to them. I like to feel helpless and abused and rope is a great tool for my partners to make me feel this way. I like to serve, to please people with my being. I like it when people enjoy me. There is one reason, however, that is the strongest, deepest and most personal of all. It is so deeply ingrained in my being that I believe that, in some way, it always shows up, even if my partners use it in different ways.
Rope bondage is my laboratory for investigating vulnerability.
The Stranger
In general, she didn’t reply to messages from strangers of the kind that he'd sent to her. And, to be honest, she had no idea what made her reply this time. Boredom? The lack of sexual excitement that has been permeating her life recently? An appetite for trying something new?
Everything you ever wanted to know about (female) rope modelling outfits but you were afraid to ask
I put quite a lot of attention to what I am wearing for a rope scene because I believe that it has a big influence on my interaction with the rigger. Like with everything, learning what that influence actually is has been a journey for me. Rope fashion is not a topic as deep as exploring limits, losing control, eroticism, handling rejection, or being patient which I have explored in the past. However, that does not mean that it doesn’t have a significant impact on the way I receive rope. Or that it is less important.
On submission as my way to taste the forbidden
I have a tendency to be swept off my feet by men. People who have known me for a bit can confirm.
Not by all men, that is.
In general, I tend to be rather intimidating and hard to impress. Sometimes, I can be a girl who emanates the vibe of ‘better don’t come close unless you have something really interesting to say. And I mean: really interesting’.
When the time comes I want to be empty for You so that You can fill me in
I’ve been recently shedding off more and more of my expectations and (what I think are) my needs, in rope, in BDSM and in life in general. I began to realize that they are clouding my experience of what is right in front of me. Instead of living my life in the shape that it is having at this moment, and learning from it, I dream almost constantly about the things that might happen or about the things that I miss. The fact is, though, that no need or desire fulfilled in my dreams is better than the most mundane reality. Because nothing beats direct experience.
On how Akane-san gave us everything she had
Recently, I had the pleasure to participate in an unique rope event, Onawa Asobi festival in Antwerp. Originally organised by Yoi Yoshida in Tokyo, Japan, this year it was brought to Europe as a joint effort of BeShibari, shibarista_jesss and Yoi-san.
The idea of the festival is to bring together amateur and professional Shibari enthusiasts and to allow them to present to the audience their way of practicing rope. In 2 days, 14 performances, 30 minutes each, were held during the day, while in the evenings free tying took place during ropejams.
So, apparently I've taught myself how to feel
This text is an affirmation of how much I’ve developed in my ability to feel. It is a reminder to myself that I’ve come a long way and that I wasn’t always that attuned with my emotions. In fact, there had been a time when I was the opposite of that. It is also an illustration of what is possible if you put your mind and heart into something. That there is no such thing as having a fixed personality. That we can always change if we want to. But it doesn’t happen without putting in the effort and practice.
My sacrifice is a solitary space
I’ve been thinking recently about my ways to receive ropes. I say ways because they are different depending on who I tie with, my mood, their mood, the dynamics between us in that particular moment, the style that we tie in and many other factors. There are certain experiences that I crave and seek more than others, however. One of them is the feeling of sacrificing myself for the rigger.
A broken toy
It’s amazing how adaptable one can be to scarceness. How in the face of a shortage, norms redefine themselves. How your brain finds ways to explain and accept the new circumstances. How after the initial period of terror and panic, new means for coping with deficiencies are adopted and your life continues as if it has always been this way.
Rope bottoming reflections after the EURIX Round Table - vol.1 Empowerment and authenticity
During the last Eurix, in the Fall of ‘19, I selfishly organized a round table discussion on rope modelling. I say selfishly because I felt a need for better defining what rope bottoming is about, what are the different ways to approach it, and what are the skills that people see as valuable and worth practising as a rope model (if any), and I wanted to use that discussion to find the answers to at least some of these questions.
Rope as a tool for opening up one’s heart
Lately, I haven't been tied that much. For a number of reasons.
Not that much means once every two weeks when it used to be twice every week. That means a fourfold decrease in frequency. A couple of months ago, it would be devastating to me. Right now, it's interesting.
It's interesting because it allows me to observe my reactions to these new circumstances and learn more about myself and my relation to rope bondage. As it turns out, the opportunities to learn and deepen your practice are abundant if your mind is open to it.
There seems to be a common misconception about what it means to be objectified
People know that I am into objectification so they sometimes approach me to talk about it. After going through a number of these talks, I saw one common idea repeated over and over again.
That to be objectified means to behave like an object.