The guide to all my writings

(especially the rope writings)

The more I write, the more I feel like I am never able to capture the essence of what I am trying to capture. It can be frustrating at times, but mostly it just proves how complex the things that I am trying to describe are. In order to convey my message as clearly as possible, I often take a strong position and write from there. However, it doesn’t mean that it is the only position that I consider viable.

Rope and BDSM in general (especially the type of play that I enjoy) are so complex and multifaceted that there is never one answer, never one story to be told. You can talk about them endlessly and never find the essence. Sometimes I feel like I might be getting close to some aspects of it, but then the others are slipping away from me. They are too broad to capture them all at once. And that is alright. That is actually the reason why I am drawn to them in the first place. The never-ending riddle of why I do what I do and enjoy it.

I could quit trying to make sense out of it and just enjoy the experiences. I understand that my constant analysis might be tiring at times to the people around me. I am not able to do it, though, because this is what I do. I interpret and analyse. I build stories around simple facts and try to fit them within the context of what I’ve known so far. 

And because the stories that I build are so context-dependent, they are extremely fluid. It is not unusual that one day I have a very strong opinion about something and then another one I portray it in a completely different light. One could say that it is an indication of the fragility of my beliefs, but I think that it is rather a result of how quickly I incorporate new information into my views. And how honest I am in expressing them.

Because complex questions never have one answer. I think that they are more like particles in quantum physics. There is a certain probability that A is an answer and a certain probability that it is B (or C or D). All the answers are valid. None of them is right or wrong. They all coexist in a space of being a probable answer and at times they assume the state of being right.

Sometimes, in order to feel whether something is right, I merge with a certain viewpoint. I incorporate it all in and make myself really ‘feel’ it. That is when I often write about things. It allows me to ‘feel’ the idea even more. To devour and digest it. But these things are never absolutes to me. I never feel like what I say is the only truth and everyone who doesn’t think like me is wrong. Rather, they are subjective mindsets that I assume in order to go deeper into a concept.

The world we live in is complex. People are complex. And since we are all part of it, I don’t think that we can ever see things for what they truly are. We are always entangled in a web of our personal experiences, the relationships to the people around us and the realities that we live in. Our views are always tainted by those and therefore the only truth that we can ever claim to discover is our truth (if we are fortunate enough).

For me, that is all I want. I am not trying to define objective truths of BDSM or kinbaku. The only thing that I am trying to touch upon is my truth in the current context that I am in. If my sharing helps someone else to find their own, it’s a huge privilege and more than I could even dream of. But I would never try to dictate someone else what they should think or how they should feel, the same way as I would never accept someone trying to do it to me.

Get what you please from my words, feel inspired or repulsed. But please, don’t treat me like your parent scolding you for not doing the right thing. It’s not my responsibility to tell you what is right or wrong and I am not trying to do so. It is a task big enough for myself to decide what is right for me at this moment. I leave the business of other people to themselves.