All my thoughts and stories are here…
Searching for anything specific?
On being tied in ‘Naka style’ by Naka-san
Have you ever been in the middle of something when you realised that it’s your dream coming true, only you didn’t even know you had such a dream? It happened to me. And it made me cry in ropes for the first time. (…)
The moment he invited me on stage to kneel in front of him, I finally understood what was happening. I also realised that no matter how many pictures and videos of his rope I’ve seen and no matter that I did a workshop with him and Iroha-san and had seen them perform, he was a stranger to me.
Musings on kinbaku appreciation, art, crafts, and beauty in ropes
Apart from being a rope model I am also a kinbaku appreciator. Or rather, I am on a path of becoming one as I don’t think I have obtained this skill yet. Just as with any skill, understanding and enjoying kinbaku requires effort and dedication. And the more work you put into it, the more subtle pleasures you will be able to derive from it.
Rope gives meaning to my pain
I sometimes wonder, or get asked, why do I like to get tied. It is a difficult question to answer because I like it with different people for different reasons. I like to be under the power of dominant men and suffering in their ropes is a way to express my devotion to them. I like to feel helpless and abused and rope is a great tool for my partners to make me feel this way. I like to serve, to please people with my being. I like it when people enjoy me. There is one reason, however, that is the strongest, deepest and most personal of all. It is so deeply ingrained in my being that I believe that, in some way, it always shows up, even if my partners use it in different ways.
Rope bondage is my laboratory for investigating vulnerability.
My sacrifice is a solitary space
I’ve been thinking recently about my ways to receive ropes. I say ways because they are different depending on who I tie with, my mood, their mood, the dynamics between us in that particular moment, the style that we tie in and many other factors. There are certain experiences that I crave and seek more than others, however. One of them is the feeling of sacrificing myself for the rigger.
To me, rope is about eroticism
I feel like I've been circling around this topic a lot, but I've never directly expressed it. So here I say it, to me rope bondage is an erotic activity. It can be more or less sexual depending on the circumstances but an element of eroticism is always there.
To me, rope is about losing control
I started bottoming in a community where the presence of active power bottoms was very prominent. (…) In the beginning, I was trying to become like those models as they were the only role models that I’ve had. However, after some attempts, I started feeling like there is something in their approach that did not fit my personality and the reasons why I loved rope. (…) It was leaving too much control in the hands of the model (at least seemingly) and that was the opposite of what I wanted.
To me, rope is about exploring the limits of the mind
I am currently trying to define what drives me in rope bondage so that I can understand better where I stand in the realm of rope bottoming and (hopefully) make it easier for people who hear my thoughts on it to interpret them and find a place for them within their own definitions. (…) These are some of my reasons for doing rope bondage and my personal approach to it. I hope that you will have some pleasure from reading it and take from it what you feel like.
Thoughts on my approach to rope modelling after my first ever public rope performance
I can't even express how privileged I feel to have given my first rope performance as a model of amazing Soptik in the School of rope run by Kirigami and Tenshiko in Milan. It was a small and intimate show, intended for the audience to experience a real session that could happen between the two of us in private. Around 40 people were allowed to have a peek into our dynamic (almost) without a filter. And I believe that for some it was an intense experience. Maybe even as intense as it was for me.
My thoughts on objectification in Japanese rope bondage and the differences between the ways that the Japanese and the Westerners do rope
Some time ago, I’ve been teaching a workshop on objectification in rope with Soptik and during one of the feedback rounds an interesting statement was made by one of the participants. They indicated that they are currently mainly practising Naka style and therefore objectification was a very unnatural (but also interesting) way for them to treat their model. I was extremely surprised by this statement because the way that I see Naka style is that it is extremely objectifying.
Lessons on the poetics of kinbaku from Barkas and Addie
A while ago I participated in a workshop by Barkas and Addie on their interpretation of Yukimura style at the beautiful Atelier Simonet in Paris. The number of inspiring concepts in that workshop was so enormous that it took me a while to process them into a condensed form. I finally did it and here are the most important thoughts that were born during or as a result of the workshop.
Considerations on what constitutes the matter of kinbaku from Riccardo Wildties and RedSabbath
I've been extremely lucky to have recently participated in an unforgettable workshop, Xtreme Xclusive: Matter from Wildties and RedSabbath, as a model of one of the most talented riggers and amazing people that I know, Soptik. I don’t think that there is a need to add how huge influence it had on me and my development as a kinbaku model. Enormous.
There is so much sadness in me, it’s almost spilling over the brim
It’s interesting what you can find when you stop doing for a moment and start feeling yourself instead. I’m trying to do it more lately, and one of the things that I’ve found is an enormous sadness. Not depressive, my-life-sucks kind of sadness. I think that I have a pretty good life. More like a calm and appreciative sadness.
Lessons from the Masters of kinbaku, Akira Naka Sensei and Iroha Shizuki
Recently, I had the privilege to take part in a kinbaku workshop from Akira Naka Sensei and Iroha Shizuki for the first time. I can’t even express how grateful I am for being able to see and experience Naka-san and Iroha-san live, and to be immersed in the beauty that they created together during those three unforgettable days. I am sure that I won’t be able to put into words everything that I’ve learned during the workshop, but there are certain things that were really impactful for me, and I want to preserve at least those here.
Lessons on kinbaku and semenawa from Wildties, RedSabbath, WykD Dave and Clover
In September 2018 I participated in a unique workshop from Riccardo Wildties, RedSabbath, WykD Dave and Clover. It was a really unforgettable experience as it's in general unheard of to have two such great riggers teaching together and comparing their approaches in front of the students. I want to share my story of that experience, which contains both the knowledge that the teachers shared with us as well as my interpretation and lose thoughts on it.
On one performance that embodied the essence of kinbaku to me
Recently I've had a privilege of watching Bingo Shigonawa performing live. Coincidentally it was also my second proper rope performance that I have seen (first one being Benoit Descordes & Human Chuo right before him). I was extremely excited and I expected an amazing experience. What I did experience, exceeded my expectations by far. It was not only beautiful and intense, but it also made me realise what kinbaku is for me and what exactly draws me to it.
On tango and rope
I am in an early stage of rope addiction. As a seasoned and experienced tango addict I can recognize the signs. Obsessive looking for all kinds of information on the topic. Reading and watching videos for hours. Practicing extensively, even if it involves travelling to different cities. And at the same time, feeling like there is never enough and you will never become as good as your role models.