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On being tied in ‘Naka style’ by Naka-san
Have you ever been in the middle of something when you realised that it’s your dream coming true, only you didn’t even know you had such a dream? It happened to me. And it made me cry in ropes for the first time. (…)
The moment he invited me on stage to kneel in front of him, I finally understood what was happening. I also realised that no matter how many pictures and videos of his rope I’ve seen and no matter that I did a workshop with him and Iroha-san and had seen them perform, he was a stranger to me.
When the time comes I want to be empty for You so that You can fill me in
I’ve been recently shedding off more and more of my expectations and (what I think are) my needs, in rope, in BDSM and in life in general. I began to realize that they are clouding my experience of what is right in front of me. Instead of living my life in the shape that it is having at this moment, and learning from it, I dream almost constantly about the things that might happen or about the things that I miss. The fact is, though, that no need or desire fulfilled in my dreams is better than the most mundane reality. Because nothing beats direct experience.
My sacrifice is a solitary space
I’ve been thinking recently about my ways to receive ropes. I say ways because they are different depending on who I tie with, my mood, their mood, the dynamics between us in that particular moment, the style that we tie in and many other factors. There are certain experiences that I crave and seek more than others, however. One of them is the feeling of sacrificing myself for the rigger.
Rope bottoming reflections after the EURIX Round Table - vol.1 Empowerment and authenticity
During the last Eurix, in the Fall of ‘19, I selfishly organized a round table discussion on rope modelling. I say selfishly because I felt a need for better defining what rope bottoming is about, what are the different ways to approach it, and what are the skills that people see as valuable and worth practising as a rope model (if any), and I wanted to use that discussion to find the answers to at least some of these questions.
To me, rope is about eroticism
I feel like I've been circling around this topic a lot, but I've never directly expressed it. So here I say it, to me rope bondage is an erotic activity. It can be more or less sexual depending on the circumstances but an element of eroticism is always there.
Thoughts on my approach to rope modelling after my first ever public rope performance
I can't even express how privileged I feel to have given my first rope performance as a model of amazing Soptik in the School of rope run by Kirigami and Tenshiko in Milan. It was a small and intimate show, intended for the audience to experience a real session that could happen between the two of us in private. Around 40 people were allowed to have a peek into our dynamic (almost) without a filter. And I believe that for some it was an intense experience. Maybe even as intense as it was for me.
Lessons on the poetics of kinbaku from Barkas and Addie
A while ago I participated in a workshop by Barkas and Addie on their interpretation of Yukimura style at the beautiful Atelier Simonet in Paris. The number of inspiring concepts in that workshop was so enormous that it took me a while to process them into a condensed form. I finally did it and here are the most important thoughts that were born during or as a result of the workshop.
Lessons on shame, objectification and humiliation in rope from Soptik and Door
Recently, I've been a model for an amazing workshop by Soptik on objectification and humiliation in rope. He asked me to be his partner because, as he says, I'm a 'perfect object'. I guess that what he means by that is that I let people do anything to me without fighting back. And I enjoy it. It was very interesting to be able to show and share with people the states in which I love to be, but also in which I am at my most vulnerable.
Lessons on pain, suffering and humiliation from Soptik and EisEve
Last weekend, Soptik and EisEve gave a performance followed by a 2-day intensive workshop at Ellipsis in Rotterdam. I attended both with high hopes and was not disappointed. In fact, I've learned way more than I expected.
On one performance that embodied the essence of kinbaku to me
Recently I've had a privilege of watching Bingo Shigonawa performing live. Coincidentally it was also my second proper rope performance that I have seen (first one being Benoit Descordes & Human Chuo right before him). I was extremely excited and I expected an amazing experience. What I did experience, exceeded my expectations by far. It was not only beautiful and intense, but it also made me realise what kinbaku is for me and what exactly draws me to it.
On tango and rope
I am in an early stage of rope addiction. As a seasoned and experienced tango addict I can recognize the signs. Obsessive looking for all kinds of information on the topic. Reading and watching videos for hours. Practicing extensively, even if it involves travelling to different cities. And at the same time, feeling like there is never enough and you will never become as good as your role models.