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You like your cruel games
Sometimes I wonder if his cruelty has any borders. And what's wrong with me for being drawn exactly to that cruelty? He is capable of doing things to me that are beyond my imagination. Showing me that I will go further than I ever thought is physically or mentally possible. And then even further than that. I will stretch my limits so thinly that single strings begin to snap, just to catch a glimpse of entertainment in his eyes. Just to amuse him for a little while.
What I find so alluring in being hypnotized
Recently, I have experienced hypnosis in completely different circumstances from what I am used to, and the ease in which I followed and how much I enjoyed it, made me realise that I am much more into it than I anticipated. I knew that I loved it being used as a tool for asserting more control over me, but this experience made me understand better what I love about hypnosis in particular and that it might be much more my kink than I previously thought.
He likes to have his toys the way he likes them
“Which one do you like the most, ‘down on all fours’, ‘sex doll’ or ‘ragdoll’? You can choose,” he asks me about the states that he can put me in, using triggers that he planted in my head during a hypnotic trance.
As always when he asks me these kinds of questions, my mind short-circuits, “He asked me a question. What should I answer? What answer will make him happy? I should answer, he is waiting and he will not be happy about having to wait. But what answer is the right answer?“
An ultimate loss of control
Objectification is one of my biggest fetishes. I love to be treated like I don't matter. I love to be used and for my needs to be disregarded. I love to hide in this safe space, where I don't need to put myself out there. Where my sole purpose is to be. Where I don't need to make any decisions, because it's someone else who decides what my actions should be.